Friendship

 

Today I  am challenged. I was reading in the book of Amos, chapter 3. It says, “Can two walk together without agreeing to meet?” Hmmmm. My goal since I returned from Ghana was to be a hermit. I have revised that goal. Now, I just want to be a part-time hermit. Having close friends has always been difficult for me. But, in my heart of hearts, I have always yearned for that small circle of close friends. You know, the kind that don’t mind if you call them at 4:00 in the morning because life happened. 

I am blessed because I have a couple of these friends. One lives in Rome, GA. I don’t see her often. When I do, it’s life-giving. I wished we lived closer. There are two or three other people who come to mind when thinking about friends. They have seen me in the best of times and the worst of times. We don’t get together often. They have families close by and have family obligations. 

I see people on Facebook that share pictures of times that they get together with friends…a weekly walk, a monthly dinner, going someplace fun, and I wonder, “Why don’t I have friends like that?” These friends have been friends forever, they grew up near each other and have lived in the same general locality for most of their lives. They share life together. I’ve only been here five years. 

I’m my own worst enemy. I don’t share life too often, not the deep down nitty gritty of life. I don’t want to take off my mask and be vulnerable. I’ve been hurt too many times in life and I’m not sure if I want to risk it. I know I shouldn’t isolate myself when I’m not working. It’s one of my safety nets. It works for me in this chapter of my life. Will I be this way for the rest of my life? Maybe, maybe not. From time to time, I force myself to get out, to be around people, to sign up for a class, to volunteer. Even now, I just want to go upstairs and read. I’m pretty comfortable with myself. 

What I do know is that when others have failed me, God hasn’t. I’m grateful for that.