Friendship

 

Today I  am challenged. I was reading in the book of Amos, chapter 3. It says, “Can two walk together without agreeing to meet?” Hmmmm. My goal since I returned from Ghana was to be a hermit. I have revised that goal. Now, I just want to be a part-time hermit. Having close friends has always been difficult for me. But, in my heart of hearts, I have always yearned for that small circle of close friends. You know, the kind that don’t mind if you call them at 4:00 in the morning because life happened. 

I am blessed because I have a couple of these friends. One lives in Rome, GA. I don’t see her often. When I do, it’s life-giving. I wished we lived closer. There are two or three other people who come to mind when thinking about friends. They have seen me in the best of times and the worst of times. We don’t get together often. They have families close by and have family obligations. 

I see people on Facebook that share pictures of times that they get together with friends…a weekly walk, a monthly dinner, going someplace fun, and I wonder, “Why don’t I have friends like that?” These friends have been friends forever, they grew up near each other and have lived in the same general locality for most of their lives. They share life together. I’ve only been here five years. 

I’m my own worst enemy. I don’t share life too often, not the deep down nitty gritty of life. I don’t want to take off my mask and be vulnerable. I’ve been hurt too many times in life and I’m not sure if I want to risk it. I know I shouldn’t isolate myself when I’m not working. It’s one of my safety nets. It works for me in this chapter of my life. Will I be this way for the rest of my life? Maybe, maybe not. From time to time, I force myself to get out, to be around people, to sign up for a class, to volunteer. Even now, I just want to go upstairs and read. I’m pretty comfortable with myself. 

What I do know is that when others have failed me, God hasn’t. I’m grateful for that. 

Choices

 

 Hebrews 11 contains a list of faithful heroes. They weren’t perfect. They didn’t have perfect lives. Their situation in life wasn’t perfect, either. Yet, they chose to fix their eyes on the Lord. They were focused on the better thing, what God had in store for them. Did they make mistakes? Most definitely. But, they didn’t let their mistakes define them. They repented and tried again, even more determined to fix their  eyes on the Lord and to follow Him. 

Some of them never saw the situation/focus of their prayers come to fruition, but they never gave up. They kept praying, believing, trusting. They had no guarantees except that whatever the Lord said He would do, He would do. He was their guarantee. And that was good enough for them.

Is it good enough for me? Is it good enough for you? Do I truly believe that God will do what He said He would do? I like to think so. Every day, choices are in front of me. I need to make a decision each time. Will it be a decision of trust in the One who loves me unconditionally and has my best interests in mind? Or will it be a decision that I make just because I want to, no matter what the consequences are? I pray that I will choose to trust Him. 

A Season of Transition

I recently received an update letter from Orphan’s Tree, a charity that gives life skills and the love and hope of Jesus Christ to orphanage graduates in Russia and beyond. I know the president of the organization. His parents were beloved friends of mine. Anyway, he wrote a simple, personal note to me at the bottom of the letter. It touched me in a profound way.

What did he write that touched me so? Just six simple words, “Trust your transition is going well!!” I have been thinking a lot about this lately. Transition from living in a remote area of Ghana for eight years to life in rural Virginia seems like it has just been one transition after another. It definitely hasn’t been easy. 

When I returned to the US, I eventually ended up in Patrick County, VA. Since I had no place to live, no furniture, dishes, towels, etc., I rented a completely furnished cabin from friends of mine. They were the only ones I knew in this part of the world. Six months later, I changed my driver’s license from Pennsylvania to Virginia. Ten days later, I was told that the property was put up for sale. I didn’t have to move right away, I could stay until it sold, if I wanted. That ended up to be a blessing because I could take my time looking for an apartment. 

Three months later I moved. I love my apartment and plan on staying here as long as possible. I was just getting to know people when COVID hit. I was really grateful for my apartment then, I had lots of space and could be outside on the deck. But, one of ways the COVID lockdown affected me was that I really became a hermit. Sure, I would go grocery shopping and such, but it just increased my desire to be a “homebody.” Yes, I needed a break from being in the public eye 24/7 as I was in Ghana, with people looking in my windows and stopping by anytime of the day. 

Right now, I’m doing okay. I’ve had to deal with health issues, having had four sinus surgeries since I’ve been back. I’ve gained weight and haven’t lost it. I still sleep with a CPAP machine. I keep looking for a church similar to my home church in Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania. I haven’t found one yet. (Maybe because I’m in a very rural area with over 90 churches in the area. Almost all of them are small.) I am still a hermit, but now I’m a part-time hermit. I actually have a part time job which forces me to meet people and interact with them. I have met some amazing folks here. God has blessed me with a couple of good friends. I really do love where I live….

But, will it ever really and truly feel like “home?” Will I ever feel settled? I doubt it. I attribute that to my age. Little by little, I’m getting closer to my eternal home. Maybe that’s the reason for my feeling of unsettled-ness. Will my transition ever be complete? No, not here on Earth. Life is just one transition after another. I just have to trust God to get me through one to the next. That’s what I plan to do.

Praying for What I Want

So many times I am not happy with the person I am…on the outside. I weigh too much. I have CPAP mask lines on my face. I wear glasses. I definitely don’t like to wear shoes (and shoes make the outfit, right?) My hair didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to today.

Today when I read 2 Thessalonians 2:13-3:5, I could see that God isn’t concerned about any of that. Paul is thanking God for the Thessalonians, not because as a group they lost a ton of weight or because they are wearing the latest styles. He is thanking God because of their faith in Christ! (How many times have you or I done that?) He prays for them, that God would encourage their hearts and strengthen them, not to make them rich, powerful or beautiful. 

It’s my prayer for myself, too. “ God, encourage me when I get frustrated and lose the “umph” to go on. Strengthen me in mind, body and spirit to live the life that You intended for me, to do your good works. And, may You receive all the glory. Amen and amen.”