Surgery Scheduled

The consultation with the oncologist went well. He was very optimistic. But, I can’t help but think that’s part of his job. This type of cancer is rated 1,2, or 3. Mine is a 2, but he said that he groups the 2s with the 1s. I will have a total hysterectomy on November 13 in Winston-Salem, NC. He will also take a few lymph nodes to have them tested. The plan is to have an arthroscopic surgery. 

I went for the pre-op appointment and labs 4 days ago. Everything went well except for one. My potassium level is low so now I’m eating bananas, almonds, cantaloupe, raw carrots, Brussels sprouts, and other things high in potassium. I should be getting it rechecked on Wednesday. Hopefully, the level has increased at least somewhat. 

I have lists of stuff to do between now and surgery on Friday. I work two days, have to drive to Mt. Airy for a cardiologist appointment another day. That leaves me with one day to do everything that isn’t done before then. What gets done, gets done. I’ll try not to stress about it. 

Please pray for a successful surgery. Pray that the lymph nodes are cancer free. Pray I can come home on Friday. Pray that there are no complications with my recovery. Pray for my care team. Pray that God’s peace and presence will be felt. And the list goes on….

Do Not Fear

Do not fear. Easier said than done. Since my cancer diagnosis I have tried to keep my mind busy. I try not to think about it. I can state facts and act like it’s just “the way it is.” The reality is, I don’t want to feel the emotions connected to it. I go through the motions, go to doctor appointments and keep on going. 

But, how am I really? Do you really want to know? I don’t know how to pray. Or maybe I’m just avoiding a heart to heart conversation with God. Because if that happens, tears will come and I will have to admit my fears. My doubts. My questions. My “why?s.” My what comes next? 

I didn’t even cry for almost a week after the diagnosis. I was at church listening to the worship songs when the tears started. Then, the pastor called me up front and the women of the church laid hands on me and prayed for me.  Then, the tears really came. 

I know deep in my heart that I can trust God. There no reason to fear because He is with me. He’s in control. It’s hard. So, together, let’s trust Him. I’m asking you to be strong for me so I can join in and be strong, too. Trusting God is hard to do. Together, it’s possible. 
 

The Day That Life as I Know It Changed

The day started like any other day. I woke up from a good night's sleep. (Thank You, Jesus!) Made coffee. Exercised. Showered. Got dressed. Packed my lunch. and I went to work.

 It was a Tuesday morning, October 20. I was minding my own business, doing whatever I was doing at my desk when my phone rang. I don't usually take personal calls at work, but this was from the OBGYN office. I got up and went outside for some privacy as I answered the phone. Sure enough, the results of my biopsy were in, and it was only 6 days! 

The PA that I see was on the phone. She asked if I saw the results online yet. No, I haven't. She said that the results were malignant. I coundn't even think what that meant. I wasn't prepared for this. I asked her, "What does this mean?" "Cancer" was the reply. Shock. I was definatetly not expecting this. I was told to expect a call from the oncologist's office to schedule an appointment. We talked a little more and that was it. 

The next day the oncologist's office called. I have an appointment on November 2. I have two more weeks of waiting before I find out what happens next. I went into a “do what you have to do” mode, going through the motions, calling my brother and sister, telling my boss, calling a few close praying friends. I wouldn’t let myself think about what that news meant or what it might bring. Some people might call it denial. I called it taking care of business  

Since then, my thoughts and emotions have been all over the place. My body is betraying me. Even though the type of cancer that I have has a high survival rate, I can’t help but pray, “Lord, I don’t want to die.” My prayers have been short one because I really don’t have the words to say. Waiting for the oncologist appointment is so hard. Hopefully, when I see him, I will get a clearer picture of what is happening in me and what the next steps will be. 

Lord, hold me close. Help me to be patient and calm as I wait.

“Do not fear, for I am with you.” Isaiah 41:10

Trusting God in the Waiting

Now that I'm in waiting mode, everything seems to be going pretty well. I work part time and I love my job. My health seems to be on an upswing. I'm making plans to go to a state park for a few days. And I continue on the constant battle to lose weight. 

Then, one evening four weeks ago or so, something was't quite right. I went through menopause decades ago. Now, I was bleeding! What is that about? I was grateful that I had some supplies to get me through the night. I called my OBGYN in the morning and scheduled an appointment for 6 days later. I went to Walmart to buy supplies. I was in the feminine hygiene section looking like a deer in headlights. I saw nothing familiar. How was I to choose? I was way too old to even be in this aisle let alone buy anything from it. 

Fast forward a week. I saw my OBGYN. An ultrasound was done. It wasn’t good. But, to what degree wasn’t it good? I was scheduled for a biopsy the following week. Biopsy was done. Now to wait for the results that I would have in two weeks at the latest. 

Now, all I could do was to trust God. And that’s basically all that I could do. Some days it’s hard. Some days I just wanted to go to bed, in my blanket cave, and wait for the results. I’m not very good at waiting. Life goes on. I went to work, some days I felt like I was going through the motions. When a visitor came in, the welcoming face came on and I truly wanted to help them find the information that they wanted. I’m so grateful for my job, it helped the time pass while waiting for results. 

Lord, I’m here. Waiting. Trusting You. No matter what. Help me be patient in the waiting.

 

The Waiting Game

 

And the saga continues….

In the midst of all the coughing in July and August, another problem arose. I noticed that my breast didn’t seem “normal.” It was nothing real noticeable, but I just had that feeling that something wasn’t right. Then, I noticed a bit of drainage. Nothing big, just a little here and there. I called an OBGYN and made an appointment for a mammogram. 

When I went for the mammogram, it wasn’t done. Why? Because I was having problems and a diagnostic mammogram had to be done. So, that was scheduled for September. Praise God the was an opening two weeks later and I didn’t have to wait two months! I was scheduled for a digital diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound of my breasts. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait for the results. 

The doctor came in with the results in his hand. He sat down and explained them to me. There was some tissue density and there were some minimally prominent ducts but no significant debris or solid lesion. On the report it states, “ACR BI-RADS CATEGORY 3–PROBABLY BENIGN. (Between 0-2% chance of cancer.) I was instructed to have these same tests done in six months to see if there was a difference . 

Praise God that nothing significant showed up. Now, all I had to do was wait, right?

Challenges

 

Life is full of challenges. All kinds of challenges. Some are exciting, like graduating from university or starting a new job or getting married or welcoming a new child into your family. Some challenges are not so exciting, like the death of a loved one or divorce or trying to make ends meet in today’s economy. Yet, life goes on, even though at times we want it to stop and stand still for just a little while. 

I have faced many challenges in my life and I know that you have, too. My latest challenges have involved my health. I know, I know...all old people talk about is their health and what their latest ailment is. But, I'm old, so I'll allowed to do it!

My challenges started in May with "some sort of virus." Then, it was viral bronchitis. Next, viral walking pnuemonia. I had a chest x-ray. It showed heart issues. So I saw a cardiologist. I had an EKG. It was good. I was put on some meds to address the issues that showed up in the x-ray. I had an echocardiogram. That looked pretty good, too. Praise God some more. I had a mamogram it showed an abnormal area. I go back in January for another one. 

I was fine for awhile. Then, I was put on a new med that was the catalyst for "a coughing up a lung, pee your pants, can't sleep" type of cough. Praise God, the medicine was changed, but the problem wasn't solved. So, I had allergy testing done. I'm allergic to cats. I was still coughing. I saw a pulminologist. A few things were switched up and I got 95% better. I was so grateful for that. I could sleep through the night again! 

Health was on the way, wasn't it?

Mother’s Day

 

In the past, Mother’s Day wasn’t one of my favorite holidays. My mother was a wonderful woman, but she had gone to her heavenly reward years ago. I wasn’t a mother. Even though it was the desire of my heart, God never blessed me with my own child. What was there to celebrate? Memories and dreams that hurt when they came to mind.

Yet, yesterday, I noticed things were different. The pain wasn’t there. The sadness was gone. I remembered with gratefulness. I thanked God for the mother who gave me life, love and laughter. I thanked God for Ava Steiner, a mother in the faith. I thanked God for Dee Armour who prayed for me through good times and a lot of messy ones, too. I thanked God for Cathy Benscoter, a dear friend and Dr. Mom whenever I needed one when I lived in western Pennsylvania. And, I thanked God for all my kids and grandkids that He had given me in Ghana. I was filled with joyful gratitude for all the women in my life who shaped me and formed me into the person that I am today. 

I don’t know when this change took place. I imagine God has been working on me for years. And, I am grateful! I hope and pray that I can be the kind of woman who will impact the lives of other women just as other women have impacted mine.

Adulting is Hard to Do

 I just hard a few of “those days.” Have you ever had them? Days when you have to do stuff that you know needs to be done yet they are more stressful than you would like to admit? I had those days this week. It had to be done. 

When I lived and worked overseas, my dear brother, Dan, took care of all the stuff that makes my eyes glaze over. I’m so grateful for that. I had to have a Will, Power of Attorney and all the other legal stuff done before I left the States. He was my rock for all of that. Then, when I retired, I put my retirement accounts into the same company that he used. After all, he’s my older brother and he knows a lot more than me about this kind of stuff. 

Since I decided to live in a different state and at least eight hours away from family, I knew deep down that I should update all my legal documents and probably move my retirement accounts closer to where I live. But, oh, my! That’s way out of my comfort zone. So, one of my goals for this year is to do just that. I made an appointment with a financial advisor and a lawyer. 

I met with the financial advisor one day and the lawyer the next. To say I was stressed out doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt. I’m so grateful that both were very helpful and made things sound easier than I thought they would be. Now, everything is started. And, soon they’ll be finalized and I can totally have that weight lifted off my shoulders. I have at least one more thing to do. I have put it off for years. Hopefully, I will get it done this week and I can check that off of my to do list and my goals for the year list.

I need to give a shout out to the ladies in my small group. They prayed for me and encouraged me during the most stressful time. And, of course, one of my pastors and friend always supports me in prayer. I thank God for all of you. 

As I decompressed from this, I thanked God for keeping me sane and I splurged and bought myself flowers. They help to remind me that the hard times will come to an end.  And, usually, they are totally worth it because of the growth they cause. 

Have a blessed day!

Out of My Comfort Zone

I’m not a person who makes New Year resolutions. When I think of the word l think of the word  “resolve,” I think of what is said of Daniel in scripture. Daniel “resolved” not to each the rich food that he was given, sticking to a diet of vegetables and water. He wouldn’t defile himself with the king’s food. I’m definitely not in the same league as Daniel! 

But, I’m not opposed to setting goals for myself. I tend to be a homebody. So, I have challenged myself to get out more, to do something at least once a month. In January, I went to a local church that was hosting a ladies night to make a prayer board/vision board. I didn’t know anyone there, but I went. There was a glorious time of worship, good food and a chance to be creative. I am actually using my board.

February found me making a reservation at a local winery for a wine and chocolate pairing. I was going to go by myself and a good book, but a friend decided to go with me. It was nice to relax and talk with a friend for the afternoon. And, the chocolate was delicious! 

In March, I wasn’t sure what I would do. I kept thinking that I wanted to try the Salt Cave in the next town. I never called, so I went to the Historic Star Theatre to hear the Maui Mt. Airy Ukulele Invasion play. I had no idea what to expect. It’s easy to think “Don Ho.” It was definitely far from that. The guy who taught these 30 plus ukulele players had a great stage presence and an even better voice. He sang most of the songs they played starting with “Listen to the Music” and ending with “Hey, Jude.” It was an amazing show.

I finally did call to make an appointment with the Salt Cave. I figured it would be my April outing. They could take me that same day, in less than an hour, in fact. So, off I went. The room had Himalayan salt on the walls and on the floor. There was a comfortable lounge chair and waves for background noise. It really felt like I was at the beach. And, the air was infused with teeny tiny salt, too. So relaxing. Now, I have to think of something to do in April. 

I’m trying to balance out being a hermit and getting out. It’s hard sometimes. I like my comfort zone. If I stay there, I would rarely do anything. Where does the push and the strength and the confidence come from to get me to do these things? From my Lord and my God. And, I am grateful.

Frustration to Satisfaction

 When was the last time you shopped for jeans? Has it been a while? For the past six months or so, I have wanted a pair of jeans that fit. The jeans I have been wearing are about six years old, stretched out and worn out. I work in Tourism, at the county Visitors Center. We can wear jeans to work, as long as they aren’t ripped and they looked decent. In my mind, my jeans went past decent a long time ago. It was time to replace them.

I didn’t know that something so simple could be so hard. Over the years I have gained weight, so I wasn’t even sure what size to buy. I live in a small town and places to buy jeans are limited. I tried on a couple of pairs and bought a pair that I thought fit. LOL! Was I ever wrong. Since there was some stretch to them, after about thirty minutes they felt like I had on a full diaper. Nope. These wouldn’t work. So, I ordered a pair from Amazon. Too big. I returned them. I ordered the next smaller size. Too big. I returned them. I ordered the next smaller size. Too small. I donated them to a thrift shop run by one of the local churches. Was I discouraged? Definitely! I didn’t just want jeans that fit. I needed jeans that fit. What do I do now? I didn’t know.

I needed something to wear to a bridal shower, so a friend took me thrift store shopping and I found the perfect dress. We stopped at one of her favorite stores near where she used to work and found jewelry to go with the dress. But, guess what else they had…jeans! I tried on a few different pairs and praise God, some of them fit. I ended up buying two pair of jeans that day. One of them feels like I’m wearing pajama pants. I bought a couple of shirts, too.

The next week, I went to the same store, but it was in a different town. It was bigger, too. I was like a kid in a candy shop. I bought a second pair like the ones I really liked and another pair, too. I now have a variety of jeans that fit! I’m grateful to God for having my friend introduce me to this shop. He really does care about me (I knew He did) even in the little things, things that aren’t important in the big picture, but they are important to me. 

Called to Move

 

This morning I was reading in Deuteronomy 1. The Israelites were on the east side of the Jordan River in the territory of Moab. They had been set up in one place for a season. They were still in the wilderness. They hadn’t moved on. Now it was time. It was time to move out of their comfort zone and claim the land God had promised them. 

All too often, I get stuck in my comfort zone. My inner self doesn’t want to break out of the mold - the safety and security that I feel at home. God calls me to more. He has so much more in store for me. He has a promise of a future and a hope for me. I just have to listen to His call, His still, small voice and follow to see that promise come to fruition. 

Church

 

Church is defined as “a house of worship.” I have seen all types of churches in my life, from very elaborate St. Basil’s Cathedral in Moscow to Abadia de Monterserrat in Spain to little country churches near home. And everything in between. What is the one thing that they have in common? They are all places of worship.

So, if a place of worship is a church, then I have been in a multitude of churches in my life. I worship and praise my Lord and God everywhere. I especially like to pray to him when I am in nature. So, if I am praising God in the forest, the forest is my church at that time. If I am next to a lake or a stream, then they are my church. I praise God on my deck in the morning. That to me, is church. And, I praise Him when I’m driving, so my car becomes my church. I praise Him at work. My desk area is my church. I praise Him when in the shower, doing dishes, making cards. All of those areas become church at that time. 

God is there, wherever I am. He is with me. He is with you. And He deserves our praise, no matter what your “church” looks like at the time. After all, a church is a place of worship. And we should worship Him everywhere we go.

The Simple Things

 

Yesterday, I spent the day with a friend. After walking a mile with Leslie Sansone, we went to do some errands. I needed a watch battery and needed to get a necklace clasp fixed. The jeweler didn’t have the battery that I needed and told me to try CVS. They should have one. So, we went to CVS. I found the battery I needed. “Thank You, Jesus.” 

 

We went to the register to pay for it and lo and behold there was a display of playground balls! Right there, in front of the register, beautiful, colorful, bouncy playground balls. What to do? Of course, I grabbed one and started bouncing it. Then, I bounced it to my friend. We bounced it back and forth for a few minutes. Then, she bounced it under her leg. We laughed so much. So did the guy in line behind us. He asked us if we had hall passes. Oh, I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard.

Thank you, Lord for joy in the simple things in life. (I did buy one of those balls.)